Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Funny Stuff



A new Guest Blogger Wannabe  sent me the following:

Here are some jokes I borrowed from the Internet:

One liners....

Whiteboards are remarkable.

What do you get when you cross a rhetorical question with a joke?

My fear of moving stairs is escalating.

Words cannot express how limited my vocabulary is.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

They took my mood ring, and I don't know how to feel about that.

Six out of seven dwarfs are not Happy.

I have an inferiority complex, but it's not a very good one.

  Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?".
  The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
  Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

  A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you." The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves. "What did I tell you?" said the barber.
  "That kid never learns!"
  Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
  The boy licked his cone and replied: "Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!"

A guy said to God, "God, is it true that to you a billion years is like a second?"
God said yes.
The guy said, "God, is it true that to you a billion dollars is like a penny?"
God said yes.
The guy said, "God, can I have a penny?"
God said, "Sure, just a second."

A guy walked into a bar with jumper cables. The bartender says, you can have a drink, but ya better not start anything.



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