Sunday, November 17, 2013

The Jungle by Guest Blogger

The Jungle That Is Women's Clothing

I finally made a major work decision. As part of this decision (one that's been almost two years in the making) I've purchased some new clothes.

I dragged Harry to Dillard's and told the woman there that I had no clue what I wanted, and that I truly have no fashion sense. (As if she couldn't tell by my no-zipper jeans and hiking boots.)

The next hour or so I tried on clothes. Into this and out of that, try this and wait, put that one back on and add this. After this grueling exercise, I came away with three pretty nice outfits, where almost all items are interchangeable.

What I didn't get was instructions.

Women's clothing is full of snaps, zippers, buttons, and hidden surprises. For instance:

There's a gap between the third and fourth buttons of each shirt which will pop open when I sit down. This allows a great view of my bra. Shouldn't these shirts come with safety pins?

One pair of pants has a zipper, a button, and two snaps. When I wear that one I need to carefully plan my bathroom trips.

The white shirt I have allows for a clear vision of any underclothing. I still need to buy a slippy-thing for it. What's up with that? I gotta buy a shirt in order to wear the shirt I bought?

Overall, though, the purchase was a good move. I still feel a little like a clown in these clothes, but I'm getting lots of compliments. (And one startled look from a nephew.) Those things make it worth the learning.

Now if I could just get the new shoes to let go of my feet....

Copyright 2013 Michelle Hakala



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